Years ago, I forget how it came up, a Peer asked, “You were a bouncer?” I’m not particularly large and there are assumptions we might make around something like that.
Numerous years before that I was a roadie for my brother’s bar band. That means sooner or later you are a doorman. The band often receives the door and they want to get their fair share so they supply a doorman and that settles that. I was working a joint that had a bouncer and over time realized we were essentially partners, as in, if I do need help I want him to jump in so I need to be willing to do the same.
Let me point out that if you are working in a joint with a lot of fights it’s probably a dump and me I would quit. No Willie Nelson-style chicken-wire in front of the stage for me.
This place did not have a lot of fights but could get shall we say rambunctious sometimes. I mean alcohol was served.
Secondly, there was a deeper influence entering my life. I was beginning martial arts by then (judo) and soon realized these Sensei’s (older, physically small Asian men) were the sweetest guys in the world. They did not get into fights. I went in with assumptions that were shattered by my experience. They did not get into fights, though you would regret insisting on one.
What I learned, my topic today; “They did not get into fights” is about how they de-escalated situations-even in a match during a class. That permeated their teachings. Meet force with equal force, never more.
That was the truth about a good bouncer. The job is to de-escalate, not be some kind of macho tough guy. A simple fact we should all instinctively know and feel; the macho-acting tough guy is internally insecure and has something to prove and will eventually “create” (that is escalate) a fight and frankly good people don’t want that around. Why spoil the night?
This is what I see/feel/worry about on the global stage. Macho guys with personality defects needing to prove how tough they are leading us to escalated conflicts with all-out war looming behind it. That is so painfully stupid at this time of our lives that we should know how to put a stop to this and yet I have no real idea how except to heal the inner tough-guy within.
In my youth I was taught to cover-up with tough-guy, so a #1 blessing for me, from recovery, has been the space and support from men to go into the tender, emotional side of life rather than cover up with tough-guy. In the end I’m just a marshmallow. A cream-puff. That’s what I see globally; rough-tough-cream-puffs with their chests extended. Stick your chin out it’s likely to get socked.
Yes-there are bad guys out there and there is a World Court – The Hague, built just for that.
Meanwhile, we have a part in all this and it would be in our best interest to embrace the health and concepts that ultimately could de-escalate.
While I have you, allow me to add; I recently went to a movie. I rarely go; want to save money, most movies can wait until Netflix, just not motivated, but I received a gift card.
There were, by my count, 9 previews and EVERY one was a war movie. It could be in-the-future sci-fi but still war. It could be a period, based-on-history but still war, you-name-it, NINE war movies at the previews. I kid you not.
Some of them looked good. I loved war movies growing up. Seen ‘em all.
But……………I mean……………is it remotely possible…………..that there is some propaganda going on? That massive global communication conglomerates might partner with a vast military-industrial complex- of hard-to-imagine epic size and power- to influence the rest of us?
And to bring it all back to our current SUD issues, and the lack of a true response from our government: that a drugged population would be a more, how-you-say, compliant population?
I guess I’m just (non-compliantly) saying again.